What's in a blog?

This past weekend we joined with MVS units from across the East Coast (the Manhattan unit and the DC unit to be exact) and MVS staff for a regional retreat in Northern PA. Our 3 1/2 days at Spruce Lake Camp at proved a relaxing mix of discussions on community, games of dutch blitz, rook, and bannaza, fires (both inside and outside), and beautiful mountains. During one of our conversations on communities, we discussed commitment and promises - how in order to build community we need to make promises and keep them. Someone mentioned how making promises is hard, especially because fulfilling them may mean that we might have to sacrifice something more exciting that could come up. I kept thinking about promises I have made, intentional or not, that I might not be keeping - and also about promises I have refrained from making because I was scared that keeping them might mean missing out on other things. 

In community its important to be clear about the expectations we have for ourselves, and to be held accountable to keeping those promises in order to develop and maintain trust among community members. 

But clear expectations and maintaining promises are also important to personal identity and self-worth. In my wellness class sophomore year my prof told us how breaking promises to ourselves is the most destructive thing we can do to our self-image. It was for that reason that I stopped pressing snooze on my alarm - and thus stopped hating myself every morning when I didn't wake up after 3 or 4 snoozes. Since then I have been careful about not making promises to myself that I would not be able to keep - and that has been good for me. But this weekend I realized I have also avoided making promises - like being committed to timeline for updating this blog - because I was scared that in I might fail myself. Letting fear keep me from committing to myself is not a way I want to live. 

And so maybe it is time for a new beginning. Maybe it is time to make some promises to Bekah again. 

And I know just where to start. 

I spent 400 dollars this morning on a new computer. Its a lot of money for me to spend on me - especially while trying to live simply in MVS - and I want to be intentional in how I use this new piece of technology (which is unfortunately not conflict free - though I did ask). I'm not going to be too radical about it just yet (not forgoing any hulu or netflixs or facebook or anything like that), but I want to be clear about my purposes for purchasing a new computer, and commit to using Weirwood in a way that honors those purposes. (...and yes I named my computer after trees from Game of Thrones..) 

Thus, 

• I need access to the internet to maintain relationships - and so I am committing to using Weirwood to communicate  with family or friends far away over video or audio chat at least once a week. 
• I want space to explore and dream, discover new things and work towards my goals both in Rochester and after my time with MVS - and so I am committing to using Weirwood for self-development, discerning and exploring what comes next, networking in Rochester and finding all the fun things to do here, and researching new and exciting things on a regular basis.
• I believe in building community at home - and so I am committing to using Weirwood as a gathering place for Ket and I in the evenings, to sharing entertainment in our home, and to brainstorming together how to be a part of our larger community. 
• I want this investment to last - and so I am committing to try take care of Weriwood, to refrain from throwing her off second story buildings and spilling soup on her keyboard, and to maintaining her to the best of my ability (including renewing the warranty).  
• And finally, I need to time to reflect on what I am learning, to stretch my brain in analysis, and to share stories of my experience with others (not to mention to practice my writing) and so I commit to using Weirwood for blogging and self-reflection/journaling every week.

I have been less than faithful at maintaining my Rochester Blog these last few months (almost two and a half months in Rochester to be exact!!!!). There have been many things compiling to make that a reality - adjusting to a new city, new life, new work, new everything, getting sick (twice since I got here!), and most recently having my trusty old computer die on me (for real this time - and for no good reason! it's not like I dropped it from another balcony or something), but mostly no commitment or clear purpose for this blog.

With a deadline and a purpose, I have written pages and pages of meaningful - and also not so meaningful - words. I especially loved editorial writing for the Weathervane, even when I hated it. I had a clear mission for my words and a mandate to put  at least 500 of them together every 2 weeks. I like to think that sometimes they were relevant or at least interesting. I enjoyed paper writing too - it has been too long since I sat down with my old computer with a topic to research or debate and a word or page limit in which to do it. I think I miss that. I hope that by committing to blogging and reflecting every week I will not only be able to keep in the habit of writing, but that I will create space for reflection and growth during the remaining 10 months of MVS.