this is a me I want to be

I've got bread rising on the counter. I've got beans soaking next to me on the table. I am about 3/4 done a crochet project I started a month ago. And I'm listening to my 90's hits pandora station (boy bands mostly!) This is me this Sunday morning. This is the me I want to live into more. This is the me that has not come out too often the past month. This is the creative, sustainable, make it from scratch, make a mess, and feel free and full and excited about life me that I found in college. This is the me that I want to continue to inspire and cultivate as I build patterns and habits that will become my lifestyle.

This weekend, this me was inspired by a meeting of women, mostly 10-15 years older than myself, organized by a friend from church. We sat around the living room eating Rachel's whole grain baking and talking about what it means to be sustainable, how to learn from each other about "Living More With Less" (how I really need to read this touch stone of Mennonite women's identity), and this month's topic: how and why to mill your own wheat. I sat in a circle of women who are living into habits I enjoyed dabbling with in college - and some who have been doing so since before I was alive - and was struck by humility and grief for habits i have put down recently. I found myself missing the Sustainable Food Meetings from my second year at EMU, where we sat around in a circle on our floor and chucked our own wheat berries; the hours of time spent over a hot stove with Mom and Joshua and Hannah and sometimes Dad each summer canning tomatoes, salsa, and peaches, and the occasional jam or relish; the commitment I made one fall to eating local and my experiments with food since then; baking bread/buns in Chad when every task was a challenge (I still boil my water for yeast - it feels so much more worthwhile than just turning the tap warm). These are habits I have dabbled in and that I want to continue to practice in my life.

At one point in time I marveled at the sacredness of hearth as the corner stone of community and of home. I lived into the ideal of hospitality in my room in Maplewood and apartments in parkwoods. This is an identity I want to continue to live into here in Rochester. So far it has been a challenge to be inspired to do so here. There are many legitimate reasons why I haven't been inspired -we had issues with our stove, and there is the work schedule to adjust to, plus our kitchen is so tiny and awkward, and there are few opportunities to act as hosts. But I want to be inspired again. And I am willing to commit to doing so.

So here's to waking up early on a Sunday morning to get the bread in before church - and to purchasing cider and squash at a farmers market this afternoon! This is a me I want to be.