I struggle in the winter months. The dark, the cold, the lifelessness - they drain the life out of me. I know this about myself, have known it since highschool when I self diagnosed with SAD (seasonal affect disorder). And so I have spent a lot of January in hibernation - sitting on the couch with knitting and netflix, drinking hot chocolate, and waiting for the days to lengthen and sun to warm the earth so I can be outside and find joy again. I have felt myself be less and less genuine as more and more energy goes into maintaining the status quo. I have felt the lack of snuggles and cuddles and simple touch. I have been less motivated to do extra, to reflect, to dream, to grow. It has not been bad, it simply has not been easy and I have given myself the space to hibernate. I gave up judging myself for my lack of motivation and persevered through each day as it came along. My morning prayer was to love my clients this day, to be patient with my clients and coworkers this day, or even to get through this day until I could retire for the night and sleep.
Given my struggle with winter in Rochester, this past weekend was amazing.
I got to be in 50 degree weather. I got to see mountains. I got to snuggle and cuddle to my hearts content. and I got to rest with people who know the heart of me. I was given the gift of being genuine without exerting effort.
I had the opportunity this past weekend to be in Harrisonburg for the Inter-Collegiate Peace Fellowship conference at EMU. I was sent on behalf of MMN as a recruiter for MVS, which gave me the incentive to talk a lot about what MVS in Rochester has meant to me over the past 5 months. It was good to reflect and share - and to remember that this experience is wonderful. To be encouraged by the challenges and opportunities. To remember all that I have learned and experience. And to encourage others to think about the possibility of MVS as well.
While there I had the pleasure of staying with the Treehouse, a place I have stayed each time I visited Harrisonburg since graduation, and reconnect with parts of my soul that reside in those wonderful people. I also had the gift of connecting my EMU soul mates with my sister, who was also in town for the conference, and seeing her again after only a month of separation. And of course I had the space to Matt and interact with him surrounded by my sister and friends - all things that do not happen enough.
As I was with these people and in this place I felt my internal battery charging as the tension dripped away from me. I hope I have returned to Rochester more genuine than I left it. I know winter is not over here, as it almost is down south, and that there will be at least a month left of cold and dreariness. I am prepared to perhaps spend lots of it on the couch in hibernation. But this weekend I was reminded that sometimes it is easy to be me, and that maybe it will be that way again here in Rochester - or where ever I go next.
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