Regardless if my spirit realizes it yet, my time in serving with mennonite voluntary service in the flower city is officially over. I have said farewells to church, to JPC, to friends, and have moved all my worldly belongs (minus a toothbrush that I forgot) to Richmond VA. If you want to continue to follow my adventures, I'd encourage you to look for them at bekah-anovel.blogspot.com.
Sunday, August 17, 2014
a week of endings. a time for fresh starts.
Yesterday I said goodbye to Rochester, NY as we drove south on 390. I am sitting at my key board desperately trying to find a way to blog about this goodbye, and all the ones it included, and the new things I anticipate for my life here in Richmond. I know how important taking the time to reflect and mark life changes is - I have certainly done it often enough - but today I am struggling to find the energy, the thoughts, the brain power, etc. In someways it feels as if the transition has not been fully realized, my spirit is convinced that because there is nothing immediate to look forward to (I don't have work and am trying to give myself space for R&R before being too intense in the job search) that I am on furlough, vacation, a visit, etc and nothing ceremonious has taken place. Maybe the realization that MVS is over, that Richmond is now home, that life is moving on, will happen gradually.
Friday, August 8, 2014
how to say good bye
I am in count down mode again. 8 sleeps in my place in Rochester - 7 sleeps til I get to see Matt again. 5 days left at work. 1 Sunday at Rochester Mennonite Fellowship. 1 more trip to the Laundromat. Maybe 3 or 4 more trips to the Y. 1 last Monday night workshop with my clients. Etc.
The last few weeks have been fairly full - there was a Saturday full of exploring waterfalls around Seneca Lake, an evening with the Pettigrews and a woman's professional soccer game, a lesson in how to cook Ethiopian food, one last Veronica Mars night with Holly, one last tea date with Jen and dinner with Rachel and breakfast with Kathy, a folk concert on the grass to close our weekly book club/small group times, a birthday party at the park for a friend from church, morning trips to the Y, finishing up with clients at work, starting the packing and year-end apartment cleaning, a closing interview with Roger and Sonya, etc.
I'm not very good at the good byes. I've already said a few to people from church who wont be around this weekend and they have felt somewhat empty - without ceremony and missing in context. I can't quite believe that my time here is over when the day to day goes on much as usual until the very end. It is odd to move on from a place like this - I miss the change in routine as things come to a close, the packing up of a home, the ceremonies and the golden stars. I know there will be ceremony to the next week - a few good byes parties with church folks, clients, and staff at JPC - and I hope that will fill my need for a closing ritual. I have the urge to visit each meaningful spot a last time - but I don't want to draw out the nostalgia.
And then there is the confusion on what I am looking forward to: a move to Richmond with no clearly defined edges. There is no job, no end date, no program to guide me in what to prepare for - just as much time and space and work and play as I want to create for myself. A step into the unknown.
The last few weeks have been fairly full - there was a Saturday full of exploring waterfalls around Seneca Lake, an evening with the Pettigrews and a woman's professional soccer game, a lesson in how to cook Ethiopian food, one last Veronica Mars night with Holly, one last tea date with Jen and dinner with Rachel and breakfast with Kathy, a folk concert on the grass to close our weekly book club/small group times, a birthday party at the park for a friend from church, morning trips to the Y, finishing up with clients at work, starting the packing and year-end apartment cleaning, a closing interview with Roger and Sonya, etc.
I'm not very good at the good byes. I've already said a few to people from church who wont be around this weekend and they have felt somewhat empty - without ceremony and missing in context. I can't quite believe that my time here is over when the day to day goes on much as usual until the very end. It is odd to move on from a place like this - I miss the change in routine as things come to a close, the packing up of a home, the ceremonies and the golden stars. I know there will be ceremony to the next week - a few good byes parties with church folks, clients, and staff at JPC - and I hope that will fill my need for a closing ritual. I have the urge to visit each meaningful spot a last time - but I don't want to draw out the nostalgia.
And then there is the confusion on what I am looking forward to: a move to Richmond with no clearly defined edges. There is no job, no end date, no program to guide me in what to prepare for - just as much time and space and work and play as I want to create for myself. A step into the unknown.
Saturday, August 2, 2014
some poetry I've been working on this year
an evening with the stuckey's
in snow or shine, in wind or hail
we make the drive, it never fails
the blond boys smile with their sweet blue eyes
and their playful grins - suspicious allies.
a game of candy land or racing track
before the food is made, the table set.
grace is sung and we bow our heads
blessing aaron's chili or rachel's bread.
its all to watch the heroes battle
(fast forward through the commercials prattle)
agent handsome and sky's affair
hydro's comeback and shield's despair
to wait on a train
i pace. i sit. i try to read, glancing at the clock.
the minutes pass - crawling by
yet the arrival time blinking on the computer screen moves further away
there are always delays.
there was snow once.
bellowing gusts of white encompass the tracks, the landscape, the sky
waiting to be illuminated by the light of an approaching train.
like a dream - idyllic really.
my heart, just as frozen as the snowdrifts,
waiting to be thawed by the first embrace from the man on the train.
the building excitement as a whistle blows only to be disappointed by the approaching freight.
or the moments i stare out the window.
slowly watching the scenery change as I go south.
trying to enjoy the journey but filled with too much anticipation,
somewhat nervous that my imagination has gotten the better of me and this is all an illusion.
we text longings to each other.
"so soon"
"almost there"
"can't wait" - our keypads say.
i wonder if we are deluding ourselves. but how else to pass the time?
and then there are the mornings.
we sit awaiting the sunrise and the deafening sound of the horn that will separate us one more time. trying to say goodbye. trying to remember that all will be well.
is it worth it - this waiting on a train?
bank account balances dwindling as we make one more trip. trying to maintain this wonderful beautiful thing between us.
is it worth it - this waiting on a train?
we just don't know yet.
in snow or shine, in wind or hail
we make the drive, it never fails
the blond boys smile with their sweet blue eyes
and their playful grins - suspicious allies.
a game of candy land or racing track
before the food is made, the table set.
grace is sung and we bow our heads
blessing aaron's chili or rachel's bread.
its all to watch the heroes battle
(fast forward through the commercials prattle)
agent handsome and sky's affair
hydro's comeback and shield's despair
to wait on a train
i pace. i sit. i try to read, glancing at the clock.
the minutes pass - crawling by
yet the arrival time blinking on the computer screen moves further away
there are always delays.
there was snow once.
bellowing gusts of white encompass the tracks, the landscape, the sky
waiting to be illuminated by the light of an approaching train.
like a dream - idyllic really.
my heart, just as frozen as the snowdrifts,
waiting to be thawed by the first embrace from the man on the train.
the building excitement as a whistle blows only to be disappointed by the approaching freight.
or the moments i stare out the window.
slowly watching the scenery change as I go south.
trying to enjoy the journey but filled with too much anticipation,
somewhat nervous that my imagination has gotten the better of me and this is all an illusion.
we text longings to each other.
"so soon"
"almost there"
"can't wait" - our keypads say.
i wonder if we are deluding ourselves. but how else to pass the time?
and then there are the mornings.
we sit awaiting the sunrise and the deafening sound of the horn that will separate us one more time. trying to say goodbye. trying to remember that all will be well.
is it worth it - this waiting on a train?
bank account balances dwindling as we make one more trip. trying to maintain this wonderful beautiful thing between us.
is it worth it - this waiting on a train?
we just don't know yet.
Saturday, July 12, 2014
I sit here, sun soaked with sand still lingering in my scalp. I love summer.
Sweet tea, potato salad, fresh garden veggies, daylight, warmth. So many good things.
And the past few weeks have been wonderful.
A potato salad and grilled chicken birthday dinner and flowers at work to celebrate a new year of life.
Another visit from Matt.
A long weekend visit to Ontario that included so much good wonderful:
seeing Hannah and Laura's workplaces and learning i love radish greens; yummy yummy homemade burgers; winning at epic duels (that might be a first); exploring the Toronto and enjoying the wonderful music at the Urban Roots Festival; walking a chicken on a leash and painting a chicken coop; poetry slam at the park; a campfire and Grower's cider; not enough time with my siblings.
A schedule I am proud off filled with reading, gardening, walking, yoga, morning adventures, and even some baking (and attempts at poetry writing!)
Feeling successful at work at looking forward to moving on in 25 business days.
Today we took an adventure to the beach, tomorrow we should explore the Cobbs Hill Festival. We've got adventures planed most weekends from here out and I'm starting to think about saying goodbyes. I'm hoping for a good last five weeks yet to come.
Sweet tea, potato salad, fresh garden veggies, daylight, warmth. So many good things.
And the past few weeks have been wonderful.
A potato salad and grilled chicken birthday dinner and flowers at work to celebrate a new year of life.
Another visit from Matt.
A long weekend visit to Ontario that included so much good wonderful:
seeing Hannah and Laura's workplaces and learning i love radish greens; yummy yummy homemade burgers; winning at epic duels (that might be a first); exploring the Toronto and enjoying the wonderful music at the Urban Roots Festival; walking a chicken on a leash and painting a chicken coop; poetry slam at the park; a campfire and Grower's cider; not enough time with my siblings.
A schedule I am proud off filled with reading, gardening, walking, yoga, morning adventures, and even some baking (and attempts at poetry writing!)
Feeling successful at work at looking forward to moving on in 25 business days.
Today we took an adventure to the beach, tomorrow we should explore the Cobbs Hill Festival. We've got adventures planed most weekends from here out and I'm starting to think about saying goodbyes. I'm hoping for a good last five weeks yet to come.
Monday, June 23, 2014
the end of 22
Here I sit on the brink of turning 23. Drinking cold water with lemon and mint fresh from our garden. Rocking out to my favorite Pandora station. And waiting for the potatoes to cool for my birthday potato salad. This past year of my life - the year of being 22 - has been one of growing up, of taking ownership for myself and my experiences - and I've celebrated the end of that year this weekend by spending a lot of time in the kitchen making my favorite goodies. I've gotten to this point slowly, building up the cooking/baking projects slowly. But this weekend I went all out - birthday cake with lemon icing, boiled carrots with onion and garlic for snack food/lunches, my second summer batch of rollkuchen, sweet tea, and now my very favorite summer food - potato salad. (I've also been chewing on scallions all weekend because the thrifty Mennonite in me bought two bunches for $1 at the market and now have the most delicious onion breath :P)
I enjoy that my birthday falls in the summer months - it has always been a good way to divide time between old adventures and new opportunities. Summers have always made me feel alive. And that makes it easier to reflect.
I will remember 22 as the year I did MVS and lived in Rochester. The year I learned to travel by train and drive long distance (okay 3 1/2 hours) by myself in a vehicle. I said good bye to my parents again (this time as they went off to Lebenon) and left Winnipeg for good. The year I had only one home (in Rochester) and visited my loved ones from that base. The year I learned to live in an apartment without the social support network I took for granted in my family and at EMU. The year I learned to make phone calls without dread (or too much dread) - and probably sowed the seeds for ear or brain cancer from all my conversations with loved ones across the continent and the world.
Where I made my own choices. I planted my first garden on my own. I took ownership of my depression during the winter. I got sick on my own and learned how to rinse my own hair and mouth out after puking in the toilet (I hate it by the way). When I had to shovel out a the car - more than once. My first 9-5 job for more than a summer break. I explored a new state - a whole lot. I fell in love with a church. I forgot to write. I educated myself about 90's geek television. I learned to slay vampires. I saw one of the world wonders for the second time - this time covered in ice (Niagara Falls). I learned to buy vegetables (instead of finding them in dumpsters) and use natural, local soaps. I had solo dance parties.
A year in which I had no fresh seafood. I didn't see the West Coast of put my foot in an ocean. I didn't do any skinny dipping. I also didn't break any bones need to go to the doctor(at least yet). But I kept my toes painted and got a Y membership. Learned that I like yoga and actually enjoy working out. Enjoyed walking 3 miles to work and learned to drive on freeways. Got to many catcalls and learnd some inner city slang. I thinking I grew a tougher skin but I'm not sure of that. For the first time in 18 years, I did not go to school.
It has been a good year. But I am glad it's almost over! Here's to becoming 23.
I enjoy that my birthday falls in the summer months - it has always been a good way to divide time between old adventures and new opportunities. Summers have always made me feel alive. And that makes it easier to reflect.
I will remember 22 as the year I did MVS and lived in Rochester. The year I learned to travel by train and drive long distance (okay 3 1/2 hours) by myself in a vehicle. I said good bye to my parents again (this time as they went off to Lebenon) and left Winnipeg for good. The year I had only one home (in Rochester) and visited my loved ones from that base. The year I learned to live in an apartment without the social support network I took for granted in my family and at EMU. The year I learned to make phone calls without dread (or too much dread) - and probably sowed the seeds for ear or brain cancer from all my conversations with loved ones across the continent and the world.
Where I made my own choices. I planted my first garden on my own. I took ownership of my depression during the winter. I got sick on my own and learned how to rinse my own hair and mouth out after puking in the toilet (I hate it by the way). When I had to shovel out a the car - more than once. My first 9-5 job for more than a summer break. I explored a new state - a whole lot. I fell in love with a church. I forgot to write. I educated myself about 90's geek television. I learned to slay vampires. I saw one of the world wonders for the second time - this time covered in ice (Niagara Falls). I learned to buy vegetables (instead of finding them in dumpsters) and use natural, local soaps. I had solo dance parties.
A year in which I had no fresh seafood. I didn't see the West Coast of put my foot in an ocean. I didn't do any skinny dipping. I also didn't break any bones need to go to the doctor(at least yet). But I kept my toes painted and got a Y membership. Learned that I like yoga and actually enjoy working out. Enjoyed walking 3 miles to work and learned to drive on freeways. Got to many catcalls and learnd some inner city slang. I thinking I grew a tougher skin but I'm not sure of that. For the first time in 18 years, I did not go to school.
It has been a good year. But I am glad it's almost over! Here's to becoming 23.
Sunday, June 8, 2014
Dream time
We've been reading "holy play" by Kirk Byron Jones for our book club. Jones' thesis is that we are co-creators with God when it comes to developing our purpose and vocational calling. While not my favorite book we have read this year, I am appreciating Jones' challenge to accept purpose as an open ended invitation, to dream and to be creative and explore my calling(s). One challenge for me is knowing what I am passionate about (there are so many things I could be 'called' to) and so I have taken to reflecting on Jones' questions about what I would do if there was no pressure to accomplish or achieve something - and I have taken the space to dream answers to these questions in the mornings between my workout at the Y and starting my day at JPC while taking walks.
Twice last week I walked the 3 miles from the YMCA to work (about an hour) and let my mind wander free to explore the possibilities of hopes, dreams, desires, wishes, and make believe. And on the morning when I had the unexpected gift of the car (Ket missed the bus that day and so drove to her Pilate class) I explored Irondequoit Bay Park again.
I've been amazed by the imaginings and dreams I have had, though I guess I shouldn't be too surprised. I want to go back to school. I also want to explore what law could look like for me - what would it mean to combine a masters in sociology, a law degree, and mediation training? I intrigued by small practice. I'm excited by dreams of living in a small community, of being present in my community, of being a regular at a local farmer's market and food coop, of having a garden, a goat(or maybe a miniature cow?) and a few chickens.
I'm slowly considering how to live into those dreams. I know one of my goals for the fall will be studying for the LSATs and/or GRE. I am excited to live in community with a midwife, a puppy, and two cats starting mid August. I am still looking for work, but am hoping for something alternative or part time - maybe in a small law office to get some practical experience. And for now I am content to explore Rochester more, to keep having my dream time, to grow my own garden this summer, and to finish well in the 10 weeks I have left here.
 |
| This time I was joined by a family of geese on the bay |
I've been amazed by the imaginings and dreams I have had, though I guess I shouldn't be too surprised. I want to go back to school. I also want to explore what law could look like for me - what would it mean to combine a masters in sociology, a law degree, and mediation training? I intrigued by small practice. I'm excited by dreams of living in a small community, of being present in my community, of being a regular at a local farmer's market and food coop, of having a garden, a goat(or maybe a miniature cow?) and a few chickens.
 |
| Some "creative outlet" with Holly and Ket at Color Me Mine |
Sunday, June 1, 2014
hello June
Summer comes fast. I expected this, but it still hits me by surprise that spring is followed so speedily by summer. Winter seems to take forever to end, but once spring has its hold it rushes onto summer without pausing long enough to get a breath. Life in it's extravagance, that is the story of spring moving to summer. I remember when the red of the tulip seemed extravagant only a month ago. And now the world is green and the sun is warm and I'm flaunting all my favorite skirts, dresses, and tank tops again - not to mention a delightful chaco tan.
Memorial Day has come and gone (and with it a visit from Tania, renewing my geek cred by re-watching all of Firefly/Serinity again and learning to enjoy Star Trek, also a sick day where I lay in bed praying not to - but hoping I would - regurgitate the sparse contents of my stomach), my kale has sprouted, and it's the first day of June.
In three weeks I'll turn 23. That's exciting. I should buy some fruit-loops to celebrate - the cereal I always associate with the summer and with birthdays. It's not a "special" year, but it means another marking of time passing, of brain maturing, of Bekah discovering who she is and what adventures to take, of remembering who she has been and who she might become. (This weekend I'm reminiscing about IB exams 5 years ago- how much fun they were, how I loved being challenged, and how I miss learning and proving myself academically).
Goals for the month of June:
Baking some Rollkuchen
Keeping a pitcher of tea in the fridge (so delicious and refreshing!)
Painting some pottery and writing some reflections as thank yous and good byes
Weeding
Walking
Writing
Memorial Day has come and gone (and with it a visit from Tania, renewing my geek cred by re-watching all of Firefly/Serinity again and learning to enjoy Star Trek, also a sick day where I lay in bed praying not to - but hoping I would - regurgitate the sparse contents of my stomach), my kale has sprouted, and it's the first day of June.
In three weeks I'll turn 23. That's exciting. I should buy some fruit-loops to celebrate - the cereal I always associate with the summer and with birthdays. It's not a "special" year, but it means another marking of time passing, of brain maturing, of Bekah discovering who she is and what adventures to take, of remembering who she has been and who she might become. (This weekend I'm reminiscing about IB exams 5 years ago- how much fun they were, how I loved being challenged, and how I miss learning and proving myself academically).
Goals for the month of June:
Baking some Rollkuchen
Keeping a pitcher of tea in the fridge (so delicious and refreshing!)
Painting some pottery and writing some reflections as thank yous and good byes
Weeding
Walking
Writing
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