Regardless if my spirit realizes it yet, my time in serving with mennonite voluntary service in the flower city is officially over. I have said farewells to church, to JPC, to friends, and have moved all my worldly belongs (minus a toothbrush that I forgot) to Richmond VA. If you want to continue to follow my adventures, I'd encourage you to look for them at bekah-anovel.blogspot.com.
Sunday, August 17, 2014
a week of endings. a time for fresh starts.
Yesterday I said goodbye to Rochester, NY as we drove south on 390. I am sitting at my key board desperately trying to find a way to blog about this goodbye, and all the ones it included, and the new things I anticipate for my life here in Richmond. I know how important taking the time to reflect and mark life changes is - I have certainly done it often enough - but today I am struggling to find the energy, the thoughts, the brain power, etc. In someways it feels as if the transition has not been fully realized, my spirit is convinced that because there is nothing immediate to look forward to (I don't have work and am trying to give myself space for R&R before being too intense in the job search) that I am on furlough, vacation, a visit, etc and nothing ceremonious has taken place. Maybe the realization that MVS is over, that Richmond is now home, that life is moving on, will happen gradually.
Friday, August 8, 2014
how to say good bye
I am in count down mode again. 8 sleeps in my place in Rochester - 7 sleeps til I get to see Matt again. 5 days left at work. 1 Sunday at Rochester Mennonite Fellowship. 1 more trip to the Laundromat. Maybe 3 or 4 more trips to the Y. 1 last Monday night workshop with my clients. Etc.
The last few weeks have been fairly full - there was a Saturday full of exploring waterfalls around Seneca Lake, an evening with the Pettigrews and a woman's professional soccer game, a lesson in how to cook Ethiopian food, one last Veronica Mars night with Holly, one last tea date with Jen and dinner with Rachel and breakfast with Kathy, a folk concert on the grass to close our weekly book club/small group times, a birthday party at the park for a friend from church, morning trips to the Y, finishing up with clients at work, starting the packing and year-end apartment cleaning, a closing interview with Roger and Sonya, etc.
I'm not very good at the good byes. I've already said a few to people from church who wont be around this weekend and they have felt somewhat empty - without ceremony and missing in context. I can't quite believe that my time here is over when the day to day goes on much as usual until the very end. It is odd to move on from a place like this - I miss the change in routine as things come to a close, the packing up of a home, the ceremonies and the golden stars. I know there will be ceremony to the next week - a few good byes parties with church folks, clients, and staff at JPC - and I hope that will fill my need for a closing ritual. I have the urge to visit each meaningful spot a last time - but I don't want to draw out the nostalgia.
And then there is the confusion on what I am looking forward to: a move to Richmond with no clearly defined edges. There is no job, no end date, no program to guide me in what to prepare for - just as much time and space and work and play as I want to create for myself. A step into the unknown.
The last few weeks have been fairly full - there was a Saturday full of exploring waterfalls around Seneca Lake, an evening with the Pettigrews and a woman's professional soccer game, a lesson in how to cook Ethiopian food, one last Veronica Mars night with Holly, one last tea date with Jen and dinner with Rachel and breakfast with Kathy, a folk concert on the grass to close our weekly book club/small group times, a birthday party at the park for a friend from church, morning trips to the Y, finishing up with clients at work, starting the packing and year-end apartment cleaning, a closing interview with Roger and Sonya, etc.
I'm not very good at the good byes. I've already said a few to people from church who wont be around this weekend and they have felt somewhat empty - without ceremony and missing in context. I can't quite believe that my time here is over when the day to day goes on much as usual until the very end. It is odd to move on from a place like this - I miss the change in routine as things come to a close, the packing up of a home, the ceremonies and the golden stars. I know there will be ceremony to the next week - a few good byes parties with church folks, clients, and staff at JPC - and I hope that will fill my need for a closing ritual. I have the urge to visit each meaningful spot a last time - but I don't want to draw out the nostalgia.
And then there is the confusion on what I am looking forward to: a move to Richmond with no clearly defined edges. There is no job, no end date, no program to guide me in what to prepare for - just as much time and space and work and play as I want to create for myself. A step into the unknown.
Saturday, August 2, 2014
some poetry I've been working on this year
an evening with the stuckey's
in snow or shine, in wind or hail
we make the drive, it never fails
the blond boys smile with their sweet blue eyes
and their playful grins - suspicious allies.
a game of candy land or racing track
before the food is made, the table set.
grace is sung and we bow our heads
blessing aaron's chili or rachel's bread.
its all to watch the heroes battle
(fast forward through the commercials prattle)
agent handsome and sky's affair
hydro's comeback and shield's despair
to wait on a train
i pace. i sit. i try to read, glancing at the clock.
the minutes pass - crawling by
yet the arrival time blinking on the computer screen moves further away
there are always delays.
there was snow once.
bellowing gusts of white encompass the tracks, the landscape, the sky
waiting to be illuminated by the light of an approaching train.
like a dream - idyllic really.
my heart, just as frozen as the snowdrifts,
waiting to be thawed by the first embrace from the man on the train.
the building excitement as a whistle blows only to be disappointed by the approaching freight.
or the moments i stare out the window.
slowly watching the scenery change as I go south.
trying to enjoy the journey but filled with too much anticipation,
somewhat nervous that my imagination has gotten the better of me and this is all an illusion.
we text longings to each other.
"so soon"
"almost there"
"can't wait" - our keypads say.
i wonder if we are deluding ourselves. but how else to pass the time?
and then there are the mornings.
we sit awaiting the sunrise and the deafening sound of the horn that will separate us one more time. trying to say goodbye. trying to remember that all will be well.
is it worth it - this waiting on a train?
bank account balances dwindling as we make one more trip. trying to maintain this wonderful beautiful thing between us.
is it worth it - this waiting on a train?
we just don't know yet.
in snow or shine, in wind or hail
we make the drive, it never fails
the blond boys smile with their sweet blue eyes
and their playful grins - suspicious allies.
a game of candy land or racing track
before the food is made, the table set.
grace is sung and we bow our heads
blessing aaron's chili or rachel's bread.
its all to watch the heroes battle
(fast forward through the commercials prattle)
agent handsome and sky's affair
hydro's comeback and shield's despair
to wait on a train
i pace. i sit. i try to read, glancing at the clock.
the minutes pass - crawling by
yet the arrival time blinking on the computer screen moves further away
there are always delays.
there was snow once.
bellowing gusts of white encompass the tracks, the landscape, the sky
waiting to be illuminated by the light of an approaching train.
like a dream - idyllic really.
my heart, just as frozen as the snowdrifts,
waiting to be thawed by the first embrace from the man on the train.
the building excitement as a whistle blows only to be disappointed by the approaching freight.
or the moments i stare out the window.
slowly watching the scenery change as I go south.
trying to enjoy the journey but filled with too much anticipation,
somewhat nervous that my imagination has gotten the better of me and this is all an illusion.
we text longings to each other.
"so soon"
"almost there"
"can't wait" - our keypads say.
i wonder if we are deluding ourselves. but how else to pass the time?
and then there are the mornings.
we sit awaiting the sunrise and the deafening sound of the horn that will separate us one more time. trying to say goodbye. trying to remember that all will be well.
is it worth it - this waiting on a train?
bank account balances dwindling as we make one more trip. trying to maintain this wonderful beautiful thing between us.
is it worth it - this waiting on a train?
we just don't know yet.
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