Anticipating a retreat.

Tomorrow my church heads off to the Adirondack Mountains for their annual weekend retreat. 3 days away from the city - from the distractions of work, of life, of routine - and immersed in nature. Leaving my computer, my cell phone signal, and my business behind. Welcoming mountains again, sleeping in cabins, and a late night canoe trip on the lake. I'm anticipating deepening relationships and times for contemplation and silence. I'm praying for rest and rejuvenation. 


It's hard to wrap my head around the idea that I've been in Rochester almost a full month. I'm still not sure of my place at work, Ket and I are still figuring out what it means to live in community together , and we're also still trying to find our place in this neighborhood community. I miss the intentionality of my life in college, I miss having an identity and an established community, I miss having people with whom I was familiar, where I never had to feel self conscious about breaking down and also knew that I would be held accountable, even if i didn't always want to be. I miss not having to have conversations about composting (part of bulding a home is talking about all the little things... and realizing we come from different places).  It's hard to start a community from scratch, to recognize that we have different assumptions and different vocabulary (we spent 20 minutes discussing the definition of patience this evening). It's hard for me to be patient (especially when we don't have the same interpretaion of it's implications) with different understandings of "intentional community", with different expectations for commitment, different ways of living - even in the ordinary things.  

Its not that things in Rochester aren't great. I love our church here. I'm so excited about our J-team and our book studies. I'm learning so much about the consequences of the criminal justice system. My heart is breaking a million times a day for all the people I see in my office or I enter into our database for colleague. There are opportunities to see God at work all around us (I may have an opportunity to do some Alternative to Violence Project volunteering in a local prison! - more to come later). And my roommate is truly awesome. I am learning so much from her and from my experience this far. 

Mostly it's that I'm tired. City live is fun and our neighbors are great, but I miss the mountains and the beauty of Shannadoah Valley (part of the reason I'm so excited about the Adirondacks). I miss walking around barefoot. And I miss cuddles (Ket isn't a touchy-feely person and I am - extremely so.); on that note,  I miss seeing my boyfriend every few weeks (15 days!!!!!). And so I'm really excited about retreat. I'm excited about a change of pace, a change of scenery, and an opportunity to get in some cuddles with other church members (Megan, I need hugs!). 

a glimpse of humanity.

At times I am brutally aware that my opinions of others are filtered through stereotypes, expectations, personal assumptions, etc. The white, middle class, educated, female, Mennonite lens I bring to a situation colors my glimpses of humanity - and not always for the best.

I meet lots of interesting people every day. From my colleagues, to people on the bus, to the neighbor who greeted me on his way home from work, etc. However, some of the most interesting people I meet are my clients. People with life experiences I cannot even imagine, but who are just as human, just as real as you and me.

The man who spoke on Monday evening about living through the struggle of life: a man who spent 31 years in prison and is rebuilding his life at 64; a man with the most wonderful smile; a man who spent 7 years on dialysis before getting a new kidney; a man who captivated the workshop participants with his laughter, his honesty, and even his tears; a good man.

The couple that was in my office today: a woman trying to look out for her disabled sister and cognitively challenged fiance; a man who struggles to speak, but wouldn't stop cracking jokes; a couple living at a shelter because that's better than being out in the cold; two people forever plagued by criminal records - consequences for actions they took when they lived a different life.

And though I try to see my clients as complex individuals, sometimes I forget to glimpse the humanity in the people who visit my office every day. Sometimes a word, a phrase, a character quirk, a glance gets in the way of my attempt to see each client as a person with potential, as humanity reflecting the divine. Sometimes I forget.

Today two words popped out at me. Two words written on a paper intake application that I glanced at hours after my client had joked with me while filling paper work. Even after I had built a reputation with the client, interacted with him as a real person, and honestly enjoyed my time with him, these two words - his conviction - colored our entire interaction. As I sat in my office deconstructing the stereotypes I didn't know I still had and reminding myself of the faith I have in transformation, of the work I have chosen with people who have done harm to others, and of the gentleness in the man's spirit and the respect he showed me in my office a few hours early, I sympathized with the employers and politicians who legally (and illegally) discriminate against people with records every day.

It is so easy to judge people based on one glimpse of who they are or who we think they might have been. Too easy to define people by the convictions handed to them in court - even if they were earned 20 years ago. What does it take to search for in each person, regardless of their past or their criminal record, a glimpse of humanity? And thus a reflection of the divine?

An epic day

I've had a little bit of a tough week. Work has been hard, I've been struggling with insecurities, and i'm tired. I think I may have cried myself to sleep (or at least cried while talking to Matt before falling asleep) at least once since last Saturday. So I was really looking forward to this weekend - but I also wasn't expecting too much from it. Today turned out to be just the day I needed.

I got up to find that Ket was already cleaning up the house in anticipation of our "Garden Work Day and Tea"with members of Rochester Area Mennonite Fellowship. I put on some tea and was finally able to journal a bit about my struggles this week and work - to think things through and feel more at peace with where I'm at. And then we got to host the first work day for our yard. In exchange for $25 dollars off the rent, the church negotiated that we would be responsible for maintaining the front yard at our house. The day before we arrived, Austin weedwacked the weeds/grass in the yard - but other than that the landscaping doesn't look like it has been touched in a few years. With help from a few members of the church we pulled out almost everything from the front bed (mostly invasive species and weeds), cleaned away the weeds from the foundation, and trimmed our front hedge by at least 4 feet (it's still at least my height - so that gives you some idea of all the work we did). It was so great to be outside doing something physical for a change. Plus we talked as we worked, and sat for awhile afterwards for tea and cake/muffins. It was a beautiful example of fellowship and mutual aid - what was an intimating mess turned into a fun morning project and a time to bond with members of the church. And the weather was perfect for working outside - it had rained last night so the ground was soft and the fall weather was making its first real appearance. The perfect beginning to a beautiful day.

After about an hour of down time, at the urging of our J-Team, Ket and I made our way over to the Greentopia festival in High Falls. We ended up walking there which gave us some time to talk and laugh, to notice the city, and to enjoy the sun coming out from behind the rain clouds. The festival was great! J-team was there with Sweet Beez, we learned about so many ecofriendly/ fair trade things in Rochester, and we got to try some awesome samples. Plus we got to walk out over the Genesee River and see High Falls - a beautiful waterfall in the middle of the city of Rochester.

High Falls! 

While on the bridge, we met another couple from church and talked more about the things to see and do in Rochester. I felt like we were being successful Rochestatrians, plus having a blast! I bought a recycled journal - whose cover is a map of the Finger Lakes/Lake Ontario region where I'm living at the moment - and some homemade shampoo soap. And Ket and I also got some grocery shopping done for the house.



On the way home we met up with a friend of mine from 6 yrs ago who also happens to be in Rochester and tried out our first garbage plate. I was a little intimidated by this Rochester tradition - but we all, including Megan Pettigrew, had our first plate this evening. Hot dogs (or burgers), Fries, Mac Salad, onions, and a spicy meat sauce poured over top - not at all good for you but maybe the best way to pack your body full of protein and carbs for a low price (which was the goal when they first became popular during the great depression). We ended up talking for over an hour and eventually realized that Megan had Sweet Beez plans to extract honey - so we all tagged along.

Honey extraction overlooking Rochester at sunset. 

Thus we ended up watching the sun set from the roof of an old warehouse near the Genessee River where Sweet Beez keeps most of their hives. The bees were lively, we were excited to see what was going on, and the view of Rochester in the evening was striking. We retired to the Sweet Beez office to taste the honey right off the combs and then to watch the centrifuge work.

The day was filled with so many firsts and small adventures. So many good reminders that even if my service placement is tough, Rochester is still the place I need to be right now. And that I have an awesome, supportive community right here that will have my back and inspire me to be extra crazy. Life is good.

What I don't know

I realized this week how inexperienced I am. I may have a college degree, but I am woefully unprepared to serve at the Judicial Process Commission. It's humbling to realize all the things I do not know - and to try to figure out a way of coping with the intimidating learning curve ahead of me.

First off, I have no experience with the criminal system. I studied history in school, and while I minored in pre-law everything we touched on was in the general sense. I have no real experience with what goes on. I do not know the procedures, I don't know the judges, I don't know what matters and what doesn't. I don't even know what I don't know. And I don't know where to start learning. 

And, I know next to nothing about how to help my clients. The population we serve, people with criminal history and ex-offenders, is so discriminated against. Because of mistakes they have made in the past, they might always struggle to find employment, find housing, etc. And in the state of New York, even if they turn their lives around, there is no way to expunge (strike from a criminal record) almost all misdemeanor or felony convictions. It is depressing to realize that they will live with these actions, and with legal discrimination from employers, for the rest of their life. Some of my clients are amazing people, determined to turn their lives around and contribute positively to society - but they will always be judged by their past actions. There are services in Rochester that can assist them with some things and we refer clients to a lot of them - but I don't know those services. 

Because, I'm very new to Rochester (and to NYS). I feel like I would me so much more helpful to my clients if I knew how the system worked here. If I knew social services, or the non-profit sector, or charities where I could refer my clients. I have a list of community resources that is really helpful, but because I don't know Rochester, I don't know what will be helpful to whom when and where. At times I feel like only someone who's been around the city (or even the state) for awhile could even begin to know how to help my clients. Because I don't know how to get them what they need. 

I do not know my clients. JPC has over 6000 clients in our database. We deal with around 1000 clients a year - each with their own needs and issues. And because of the nature of our clientele base (ex-offenders tend to be transient and financially unstable) we may lose touch with clients for months or years at a time. However, as I am learning, any of these clients might simply call us up and ask what is going on with their case. And I simply don't know. Plus it doesn't help that I struggle to understand accents on the phone and more than likely will get a clients name completely wrong (even after asking them to repeat it twice). I am so thankful for the data base - but am in awe of my colleagues and supervisor who can remember a client, and exactly what they were working on with them, even if they haven't been in touch for over 2 years. 

And I'm kinda at a loss for how to go about learning. 

And now work...

Our crazy orientation weekend has come to a close and the world of work official began. After going over financial stuff and budget (and it's a very tight budget - I even have a "poor letter" to prove it) on Tuesday, Ket and I got to work on organizing daily life in the Rochester Unit.

On Tuesday's the Babcock's host "prayer and potluck", and so after doing a grocery run, I experimented with our first cooking project in the new kitchen. My go to potluck dish, quartered-roasted potatoes, didn't turn out like it usually does, but we still brought it to dinner and enjoyed everyone else's food. I don't know if we'll have the time to go every week, but it was lots of fun to hang out with people, eat together, and pray together - the back bone of community building.

And then home to bed, for bright and early Wednesday morning we began work. I experimented with the bus ride across town and found it much smoother than expected. Work, however, was anything but smooth. On my first day I jumped right into answering phones, dealing with clients, and trying to figure out what in the world was going on without any form of orientation. My supervisors, Sue Porter and Kamilah (I don't know the last name) are both crazy busy and overworked and the receptionist was out of the office due to a family emergency, so I just started helping out where ever I could and learning as I went. It seems like it's going to be that kind of a place.

My very own office! 

The Judicial Process Commission services people who are currently or have been at some point in the past been incarcerated. We help our clients prepare for job interviews, access services, find housing, find legal assistance, get identification, apply for certificates that prove rehabilitation to increase their employablitly, ect. Before this month there were 2 americorps volunteers serving as service coordinators (basically case managers for all the general clients) in the office - both having been there for more than 2 years - and the sr. service coordinator, Kamilah. Now, there is Kamilah, and eventually myself - though I have yet to be trained in anything. (Sue works with a different client base - mostly young mothers - and I'll also be helping her with that group.)

The waiting room - it can get completely full of people. 

Thanks to one of the americorps volunteers, I was able to access extensive manuals on most of my job responsibilities and have been going over them - when I'm not doing something for Sue or Kamilah or answering the phone or running around with my head chopped off. So far I have taught myself to use the two separate client databases, figured out what needs to be done for the workshop on Monday night and confirmed a presenter, tried to help a client apply for a birth certificate from Michigan State, taken about a million messages, and told at least 20 people to come into the office during our walk in hours on Monday and Tuesday to make an appointment (I'm a little terrified of Monday and Tuesday). My co-workers seem great, if a little overwhelmed and overworked, and I am really excited about how busy I've been. It seems like they will really be able to use me in the office and I'm looking forward to learning more about my job as the time goes on.

This evening Ket and I have book study with the J-team - we should probably walk over there in a few minutes - and then it will be Friday. Almost one complete week in Rochester and it already feels a little like home.

Orientation (part 1)

Orientation has begun and to sum it up: I am super pumped about this year of MVS in Rochester! 

I’ve been in Rochester, NY since Friday night.  My roommate Keturah Miller is awesome and we are getting along splendidly. You can check out her blog too if your are interested in hearing more from the Rochester Unit. Together we live in a spacious two bed room apartment above a family home in the 19th Ward. This is a new place for the MVS unit, so in between the craziness of orientation we've been organizing our living space and hanging up wall decorations (we're slightly intimidated by the curtain rods - so we're gonna wait for some help from the church before we tackle those :) ). 

Orientation has been led mostly by our support team (Jubilee /J-Team for short) made up of two young couples from our church, Rochester Area Mennonite Fellowship. Austin and Megan Pettigrew and Bryan and Kristin Babcock live only a few blocks down from us and have been a great support over the past few days. I'm looking forward to getting to know them more as the year continues. They seem ubber excited about this city and about working for change and social justice here and their excitement is contagious. Among the other things they are in to, they have recently started a nonprofit beekeeping operation to educate inner city kids about bees and plant reproduction (check out Sweet Beez online)  Conversations with our J-Team have filled me with energy as we discuss social issues, hope, justice, and intentional community at every opportunity.

Along with our epic conversations, orientation has been filled with details, plans, and exploration. Life this year will be busy, as on top of work Ket and I will participate in a book study with our J-team, a prayer and potluck night, and an evening workshop with clients from my work every week. There's also Friday night frisbee, a vibrant church life, and hopefully more community events to plan and be apart of. One of the goals of the Rochester unit is to be a presence of hope in the local community and I'm excited to see how we make this a reality. We're also excited about spiritual development and vocational skill building. 

Exploring Rochester has meant a few different things: we visited the People's Festival at the Ghandi Institute, looked down on the city from the Sweet Beez hives on the roof of an old warehouse, watched the labor day parade, climbed through the abandoned subway tunnels, been the only white people on the city bus, watched a documentary about the 1964 race uprisings in Rochester, had authentic Rochester Dinosaur BBQ (Nick Tahou Hots, the place to get a famous "Garbage Plate," was closed due to the holiday), explored downtown parks, etc. 

On Sunday we attended Rochester Mennonite Area Fellowship, the church that's supporting us during our year of service. The congregation was so extremely welcoming and warm - I instantly felt right at home. Singing from the blue Hymnal and supplements again almost made me tear up. The children’s story was acted out with the wooden figurines my mom used to use for children's church and was full of “wonder” language. We had potluck after the service and everyone was so excited and engaging. Plus the food was delicious. 

I have yet to start my placement (that will happen on Wednesday) and there are a few more orientation things to do yet, but so far I am filled with excitement and hope for this year in Rochester. There are so many things to look forward to!